Technobabble - Dating on the internet

If I am honest, this week's article has been requested for quite some time in emails from readers and, having investigated fully the numbers involved, it doesn't surprise me at all. Also, you will have to forgive the loss of "Gadget of the Week" this week as we needed the space for this !!

So, what's it all about ? Internet Dating is one of the web's biggest success stories.

With literally millions of people across the world on-line and searching for love and/or friendship at any given time, not only does this phenomenon represent huge business and income for the operators, with literally hundreds of millions of €'s being made all over the web, it is also a clear indication of just how many single people there are out there !!

As Elvis once sang, for many it will be "lonely this Christmas", but with internet dating so readily available, it really doesn't have to be !!

The fact is that, providing you stick to some basic rules and safeguards, internet dating is not frightening, difficult or dangerous and can be huge fun. It is also clear that, judging from the millions who take part in it nowadays, the negative attitudes towards it have obviously been blown away, leaving only those with what I believe is a somewhat miserable and "stick in the mud" attitude believing that it is distasteful or "weird" in any way.

Also, the site styling is getting much "trendier" and more fun. Jane Mercer, owner of www.cupofsugar.com, a newly launched and very fun/different form of dating site with a specific focus on Spain, stated that "in designing CupofSugar.com, we took a conscious decision to move away from the classic hand-holding, 'catalogue couple' style of singles site. We wanted to inject some real fun into the proceedings and I think we have achieved that". Judging from the site (see Surfer's Corner), I think you have too Jane - Is that really true about the elephants ?!?!

At the end of the day, particularly when focusing on our Ex-Pat community in Spain, it can be genuinely difficult to venture out into the big, bad world to find a new partner or friends can't it ?

As a separated man with kids myself, I know just how hard it can be !! What are the options ?? Sitting at bars night in, night out ?? What about venturing into night clubs that play hair raising music so loudly that trying to talk with anyone is a joke and finding someone sober enough to is only marginally less difficult !! The list of mostly unpleasant options goes on doesn't it. For many, the thought of venturing out into the pub and club dating scene is such a no, no that they end up remaining alone and lonely when they needn't be.

Wake up guys !! - With internet dating, you get choice without the hassles !!

You can CHOOSE who you communicate with or do not communicate with. You can choose who YOU wish to approach or do not approach. Finally, from the sheer numbers of people on line within the dating sites, you really do have a range of people to choose from. Don't be afraid of that. Why shouldn't we all take time to make a sensible, objective choice about partners ?? I am not saying that "Animal Attraction" etc. does not have it's place (believe me I don't ), however, over the years you can't help but see so many relationships crash and burn because, in reality, they shouldn't have been one in the first place. Perhaps a little objectivity and taken time would benefit ??

As David Green of www.whereheartsmeet.com, one of Brit-Spain's longest established sites, put it - "It's all about choice" David made the excellent point that, by being able to choose from a range of people and chat/communicate with them on-line in a "non-threatening" atmosphere, many people get past the often distracting issue of physical attraction to find people they really like and have something in common with. To me this is a huge positive.

And let's not forget that it is not just about dating and finding love. It's about finding friends too.

I have spoken to a range of people on this subject and can speak from personal experience. You can find some very good friends on-line too. There are a lot of people out there who don't just want dates, they want to expand their social circle too. These sites, especially the ones geared towards our community here, can genuinely help with that as well.

So, how do you go about starting your on-line search for love, friendship, companionship etc. ??

Firstly, you need to pick a site or range of sites to register your details with. For those of us living here in Spain, I would recommend the two sites mentioned above. WhereHeartsMeet.com is a pleasantly designed and functional site that has a large, established user base populated by Brits and English Speaking Spanish, Dutch, French etc. etc. from all over Spain and the Costa Blanca. CupOfSugar, although only just launched, will certainly grab a large share of the market quickly I believe, due to the sheer fun attitude that it takes along with its' excellent functionality that includes live chat room, 1 to 1 chat, Dating Suggestions, Live events, Video uploads as well as still pictures and more. Let's face it, this activity should be fun shouldn't it !?

Whilst there are also the big boys/market leaders out there such as www.meetic.com, www.match.com etc., these sites seem to be very limited when you start to search specifically within the English speaking community in Spain. Whilst I genuinely believe that we should all look outside our "comfort zones" and expand our horizons wherever and whenever we can, I also accept that many would prefer to meet people form their own culture, language or peer group. As such, I am sure you will choose your sites according to your own focus/objectives.

Once you have chosen your sites (and do choose more than one) you will need to register. Most sites offer free registration that enables you to upload your own details and search others. However, they will require you to pay a subscription if you wish to look in detail at other member's entries or contact them. Our two featured sites both offer this facility, although CupOfSugar is again taking a slightly different slant by offering a fully functional and completely free 30 day trial period.

With an average monthly fee of c€15.00 - €20.00, the fees are reasonable and you will be allowed to cancel your subscription when you do find that special someone.

In registering there are definitely several do's and don'ts !!

David Green stated that one of the most important things is to upload a photograph on the site. He said that this greatly improves the number of responses you will get.

This sentiment was echoed by Jane Mercer who also said that a well written, informative profile is a must if you want to attract the right type of person. "Be honest about yourself and your interests, likes, dislikes etc." I wholeheartedly agree with this. What is the point in encouraging some poor, unsuspecting individual to fall for the you that simply doesn't exist !!

A huge DON'T that was stated by both of our interviewees was "DO NOT put personal/contact details on the site OR give them out too early". This is simply daft and asking for trouble. Both these sites and many others have integral email and communication facilities that enable you to chat/exchange emails etc. with potential contacts WITHOUT having to give out your personal contact details. David Green stated "members should take time to chat with contacts to get to know them BEFORE they think of giving out details".

Once you have registered, you will be able to start searching. Just put in your criteria, generally covering location, age range etc. and click the search button.

Unless your parameters are ridiculously tight, you should be presented with an excellent range of men or women to choose from. From the list, you just click on these that interest you to read more about them.

Once you have gone through your list, you will be able to contact those you wish to either via email or via something called a "flirt" - a one liner message facility offered by most sites.

The general consensus on this subject is that if you take the time to write an interesting but light hearted/fun intro message, you are more likely to get a reply. It would appear that the figures suggest that those who revert to the cringe worthy, one liner chat-up lines get little response (whether male or female). These are best left to those night clubs where people can't hear them anyway !!

Once you have sent out your initial contacts, wait for the response and also for any "flirts" and/or contact messages sent to you.

From this point, and as stated above, TAKE YOUR TIME to communicate with people and get to know them on-line before actually meeting them. Find out their likes/dislikes, what their sense of humour is like etc. In other words, establish some basic levels of compatibility BEFORE meeting up (do I sound like an agony aunt here or what !!).

After that, it's up to you !! However, to maintain safety etc. you MUST follow a couple of simple rules about meeting people.

On this point, Jane Mercer stated that when it comes to actually meeting with people in the "real" world ALLWAYS DO SO IN A PUBLIC PLACE. "This is a cardinal rule of safety for both men and women" said Jane. I wholeheartedly agree and would also suggest that you inform a friend of what you are doing, where you are going, what time you will be home etc. and CALL THEM if this changes for any reason. As Jane said, this goes for men as well as women guys !!

In my mind, as long as you follow these simple rules you will be absolutely safe and will, hopefully, be prepared and ready to meet some new and interesting people and even, maybe, the new love of your life !!

Good luck and do let us know at TechTalk () if you have a good or funny internet dating story !!

And don't forget guys, TechTalk is also available on-line at www.webtechtalk.org !!

Peter Reed-Forrester inspírese www.webtechtalk.eu www.inspirese.com

About the Author

Peter Reed-Forrester is a business and Information Technology professional with approaching 30 years experience behind him, covering all aspects of computing, the internet and business building. Throughout his career Peter has always had a passion for writing and has been regularly published in many UK and European business magazines. He is currently the author of the highly popular "TechTalk" (blog - www.webtechtalk.eu) Computi

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